santo_kreen's Journal

for once, not the same shit different day.
goddam it's been a while. so let's see what's new... well i'm still grounded but i'm going to talk to my mom today and change that because yes i'm just that good. no kiding i'll get her to end it or siverly cut it down. ok so what els well i went to the teen court thingy and i got all my dates set up and i passed my piss test. yay for me. *sighs* god i miss pot. so any ways i did a full moon ritual a few days ago and it... SUCKED. i have no self confidence and i really showed it. see the thing is i did the whole thing off the top of my head and as soon as i started i lost faith in my self. so i made a resolution to be self confident and not so bashfull. so i think to my self how the fuck do you find faith in a person that you feel is uterly worthless ( yes that person is me). oh well, i made a vow to the gods so i'd better find a way. so yeah a week latter i did a ritual for yule ( pagan equivalent to x-mas) and that went a lot better. i did that one off the top of my head to but this time there was a whole group of people to kind of suport me. i am very greatful for that one. we did this chant during the rite and it was GREAT. i've always wantedto do that. let's see then there was the "after party". yeah the whole plan of the evening was to get to the after party and when we did let me tell you...damn. so yeah there was a bit of under age drinking going on and i did a good part of that drinking. lets just say i've never in my life been drunk before and all of a sudden i'm PLASTERED, beond belife. i killed about 3/4 of the bottle by my self and yeah. well just say there was a bit of time when i made a complete ass of my self and then some pucking and stumbling and my mom yelling. so yeah it was a great night. my stomach hurts just thinking about it. i now know what it takes to get me that drunk. and after experiencing that i have to say WHAT THE FUCK. Weed is ten thousand times much better then drinking. with weed you remember every thing. drinking you don't. weed you just feel tiered in the morning, you don't feel like utter shit. no i'm not going to start smoking again only because i told some people very close to me that i wouldn't but goddamn it's not that bad. *sigh* so will i ever drink again? ofcouse because i need some way to get fucked up. just i'll spread it out and drink a little less. instead of drinking 3/4ths of a bottle of vodka in 45 min. so yeah the next day i went to a yule rite that my chruch the Universal Teran Church of the sun shine grove or the UTC. yes i had to put the full name so that every one can learn it's name and oin it hahahahahaha. no j/k ing. yeah so technichly i'm a Uni Teran pagan, but i stick to calling my self an eclectic pagan. so yeah that was fun we did a ritual that my clergy class had to write as home work and it whent great if i do say so my self. then there was some gift giving and food. so yeah that was fun.
ok now for some good stuff. my friend chi chi has this friend (female) that he thinks i should ask out. see the funny thing is when we were doing that yule rite at my house, before the ritual and drunkeness we were chillin around the fire talkin about the stars or some shit and he just bust out "you should ask out dana." *stares* needless to say it cought me off gaurd. so yeah i've only hung out with her like two or three times. including the time i ran into her at lunch and we spent the lunch period together. so yeah she's really cute and a raely cool girl so why not right. the thing is i suck when it comes ot girls. i have no idea what i'm doing. we all hng out after the UTC's yule thing [ we all being me, tiff, chi chi, mery and dand (she wanted to come for some reason)] we went and played some pool at beach side billards. me and her did some talking and goofin around wich was good and fun. but ofcourse before the night was done i started losing faith in my self again (sorry Lord and Lady). i blame it on the depressing music some assholes put on the juck box. i'm very sensitive to music. so yeah i'm not saying that i fucked anything up like i usaly do. i just don't know what to do *sighs*. well i'm just going to try and hang out with her more often and see were that goes. i do have an intrest in her, she is a realy cool girl. but like i said i just don't know what to do.
so let's see what els *wipe sweat from brow* damn this is a long one. so yeah i told a friend of mine that i'd work some dark magic to help her out with an enime of hers. it's funny because when i offered she didn't even hesitate like i thought she would. you know say some thing like no thanks i don't belive in that stuff or no what dose violence solve. nope she just gave me what i needed and said in not so many wourds go for it. this should be alot of fun this will be my first curse so yay. i have a very angery friend of mine helping me out. it's good that he's an angery person because the most importent thing about magic is emotion and for a curse one needs lots of anger and he's perfect for this. me on the other hand i've been in kind of a blaaaa kind of a mood. when it comes down to do the job i'll just think of every thing i hate in this planet, and i'll be set to go. i still haven't pick out my fav spell yet but i got time i'm waiting for the moon to get just before new (completely dark) so that i can invoke the crone. for yo wiccan out there who don't know shit about your own gods the crone is the old hag version of the goddes. she very angery and wise. she's angery because she's old, all her children have grown up and moved on, her huspands dead. she is every thing that and old women will and dose experience. needless to say i'll have to be very respectfull. or the whole thing could come back to get me. so yeah i can't whait it'll be fun to finaly practice some dark arts. after this i can truly say that i aknowlage both the dark and the light sides of nature.
let's see what els...nothin comes to mind. so till the next time i decide to go LJ qraze.

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